The election of the 45th president was nearly six months ago. I feel like I’m just coming up for air.
The night of the election I drank more than I thought I could drink at once. After, I saw a Christian white woman on Facebook cheering for his election. Hungover, tired and overall very scared, I responded by saying “[45] does not believe in the same Jesus as me” because I believe that. You can’t convince me he believes in Jesus at all. In response, a friend of the white woman commented, asking how I could support a “baby killer” given Hillary Rodham Clinton’s pro-choice stance.
For the past six months I have felt such distance and disdain for Christianity seeing Christians defend 45’s actions. I have lost faith that Christianity can set anyone free if they (we) aren’t able to take an active stance against all forms of violence but especially state-sponsored violence. We no longer can simply accept authority that is working actively to oppress our brothers and sisters. Black Christians must, as the Bible says, say a hard no to the devil because God says he will flee(James 4:7), I still believe in the goodness of Jesus. At times I had hardened my heart toward God but I am finally able to separate Christians from God.
For a few years now, Kendrick Lamar has been open about his faith and his relationship with God. On his album, Good Kid m.A.A.d City he opens with a prayer. To Pimp a Butterfly he has an open conversation with the Devil (who he refers to as Lucy). Awhile ago he said his next album would be all about God.
“DAMN.” came out at the perfect time for me. Kendrick Lamar spoke to some of my intense apathy towards Christianity while also acknowledging that it has saved us many times. In his song, XXX (which really oddly features U2 but that’s a conversation for a different time) he says this:
Yesterday I got a call like from my dog like 101
Said they killed his only son because of insufficient funds
He was sobbin’, he was mobbin’, way belligerent and drunk
Talkin’ out his head, philosphin’ on what the Lord had done
He said: “K-Dot, can you pray for me?
It’s been a f*** up day for me
I know that you anointed, show me how to overcome.”
He was lookin’ for some closure
Hopin’ I could bring him closer
To the spiritual, my spirit do no better, but I told him
“I can’t sugarcoat the answer for you, this is how I feel:
If somebody kill my son, that mean somebody gettin’ killed.”
This verse has stuck with me. People came to me after the election looking for something. What, I’m not quite sure, but I had nothing to give them. As Kendrick says, “my spirit do no better” but not only that, I was floored by how complicit churches, pastors and even scholarly theologians were to this election. I didn’t press into my faith in fear that I would look up and see the same God that elected 45 in the first place.
On “DAMN.” Kendrick wrestles with Christianity. Talking about how pulpits, pastors and gangsters are all apart of the same system. He says God feels like “laughin to the bank like a-ha!” Throughout the album he repeats “ain’t nobody prayin for me” and the first time I heard it, I had to pause the album. The prayers that I needed to pray after this election were deep, guttural prayers. The ones that almost feel like curses. I needed God to reach down Himself and show His love mighty. I did not need simple prayers. I did not need “God heal our country” prayers. I needed “God keep me strong in the face of resistance” prayers; “God if I don’t have your strength I may hurt someone” prayers.
Ain’t nobody prayin those prayers for me.
“DAMN.” has brought to mind all the powerful theologians that have shaped me outside of the pulpit. It shows me my grandfathers, neither of whom love the church, but read the Bible and know evil when they see it. Somedays when I can’t quite bring myself to quote scripture in the morning all I say is “I wake up in the morning gotta thank God” a la Ice Cube. See, “DAMN.” pays homage to the theology that angry/reckless/hurt Black people had to create when Christianity wasn’t quite enough. I call it Knuck if you Buck Christianity. For that, I am so grateful.
“DAMN.” is streaming on Spotify and you can buy the album on Apple Music.